A hilarious (especially the writer’s tone) article in today’s New York Times. Excerpts:

Lyons demonstrated the “come hither” call of a hen. Other calls include the tree yelp, plain yelp, cluck, purr, putt, cackle, cut, kee kee run, hen assembly and assorted gobbles.

Mr. Lyons said wild turkeys were guilty only of enjoying the sun. In the early morning, they tend to come out en masse, open up their wings and warm up.

“I think people find turkeys a nuisance because they are more visible
than other animals and pests that consume grape vineyards,” he said. “So,” he added, “turkeys appear to be the main culprits because they’re out early in the day, arrogantly sunning themselves and eating grapes.”

Within earshot of a roaring stream cutting through the hillside, Mr. Lyons stared out from beneath the brim of his hat.

“Look,” he said, “some of these turkeys are guilty. A friend of mine recently bagged a turkey, and when he cut open his gullet it was full of grape seeds. What can I say? That’s one guilty turkey.”

Those arrogant, grape eating birds!